Puns Flow Shamelessly In Seattle

An Auburn resident, the irrepressible Len Elliott, has concocted sequels (he persists in calling them "Sea-quels") for "Sleepless in Seattle." Coming attractions:

The story of the missing oarsman, "Sweepless in Seattle."

Tales of Ballard's beautiful basements: "Seepless in Seattle."

The earthquake of 1995: "Steeple-less in Seattle."

The Rams' boycott of the Kingdome: "Sheepless in Seattle."

Mild winters: "Sleetless in Seattle."

Disappearance of Aurora Avenue: "Sleazeless in Seattle."

And, finally, the last gastropod: "Slugless in Seattle."

Numbers game: Seattle must have enough well-educated, wealthy old geezers to spare. The July issue of Governing reports that, of the 100 largest U.S. cities, Seattle ranks 22nd in size but is sixth in personal income, seventh in median age.

Seattle spends the seventh-highest dollars per capita on its parks. King County, 13th-largest county, has the third-highest percentage of high-school grads.

Other revelations: Spokane (94th-largest city) has the 96th-lowest murder rate but is sixth in federal aid per capita and spends more than any other U.S. city on trash collection. Or as they say in the Capital of the Inland Empire: "Rubbish."

Raising Caen: San Francisco Chronicler Herb Caen visited here, bunking at the Four Seasons' Olympic and dining (among other spots) at Tulio's. Now back in Ess Eff (as he calls it), he's writing columns about the Northwest.

Caen didn't like Portland ("a-day-and-a-half town"), nor did he flip over Vancouver ("covered with those flat-topped ice-trays-in-the-sky high-rises so popular in the '70s and '80s"). But his descriptions of Seattle would make a chamber of commerce flack blush.

Of the Pike Place Market, he says, "The truth is it's everything Fisherman's Wharf should have been - six blocks with a refreshing absence of schlock (whichever city commission is in charge has done a great job of controlling T-shirts). Essentially, it's a legitimate farmer's market, with acres of fresh fish, fresh produce, decent restaurants (some of them French for a change), no hassles or hasslers and only the occasional shuck. . . ."

Show and tell: Four King County executive candidates were sparring before an Alki Foundation appearance. The question was: Which is the county's toughest interest group? Is it the gun lobby?

Councilwoman Cynthia Sullivan, who recently brought a handgun to a King County Council meeting to illustrate the need for gun control, said, "No, the animal-rights people are tougher."

Bruce Hilyer countered, "Cynthia, promise me you won't put a cat in your purse and bring it to the next council meeting."

Good sports: The Sports and Events Council, a 57-member board of local movers and shakers, is being reformed under new president Michael Campbell. Campbell is joining forces with Bob ("Goodwill Games") Walsh to sell the area as a sports venue.

To add pizzazz to executive-board meetings, the council has been holding monthly sports contests. Top prognosticators to date are consultant Monte Bean, KIRO vice president Kevin Cooney and The Bon Marche's John Buller.

Take off: Retired Boeing worker Don Christiansen's license frame: "My other car is a Boeing 737." Jean Godden's column appears Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the Local News section of The Times. Her phone is 464-8300.