Bald Men Have Their Say: Yes, Women Take A Shine To Them, Thank You Very Much

Among the groups who have felt insulted by something I wrote recently are bald guys.

For example, I have a petition in front of me from Paul Cabarga, 44. He even enclosed a photograph of himself as proof.

"You have stupidly offended me and many other short, fat, bald men," he said. "At the bottom of this letter you will find the signatures of some very attractive real women who think that if I am not just about the sexiest man alive, they'd sure as hell like to meet the guy who is."

Cabarga runs the Henry Art Gallery's bookstore and, apparently, managed to get every female employee at the gallery to sign the petition.

These women included such comments as "He is a total heartthrob" and "What a hunk" and "If only he weren't already married."

Well, OK, Paul, my apologies for any unintentional insult.

This all started when I wrote a series of columns about the singles life in the 1990s.

I quoted Jama Clark, who gives lectures on how guys can score with women, and how women can attract guys.

Women, Clark said, generally prefer guys with hair, just as men want a slim woman. This isn't necessarily how the world should be, she said. That's just the way it is.

Sure, she says, someone like Sean Connery is a seductive bald guy. But look at the movies in which he plays the sexy leading man - on comes the toupee. He goes bald only when cast in a part such as the dad in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."

This resulted in very irate bald guys.

A teacher who asked for anonymity said, "I don't think I've ever been more infuriated. Yes, I guess you would say I SUFFER from the dreaded male pattern baldness.

"But ask yourself why men actually SUFFER from this malady. It couldn't possibly be due to the perceptions by people such as yourself who intimate that bald(ing) men are not suitable enough for romantic consideration.

"I now SUFFER from not only anger, but confusion. Should I, too, subscribe to archaic societal expectations and prefer a `babe with blonde hair and 38-inch bust?' Tell me PLEEEEEZE!"

Among the letters was one from the mother of a bald guy. She, too, is anonymous, as I doubt her son would relish this kind of publicity:

"Our son, age 36, has been bald since he was in his early 20s. He thinks he needs a hairpiece. Does he? He has a good, steady job, is honest, nice-looking. . . . He is somewhat shy, or is it that he's been shot down enough times he doesn't want to go through it anymore? The male self-esteem can be crushed by unconscionably selfish physically dependent females who don't look past the hair and height. Look again, ladies. The best can be found in a lot more than that."

As anyone who's watched the late-night infomercials on TV can attest, there's an entire industry based on men's fear of baldness. If women didn't care about guys having hair, or if men didn't perceive it that way, these infomercials wouldn't exist.

Anyway, I wanted to give irate bald guys their say.

I called up Paul Cabarga, who told me about how he started going bald in his early 20s. It wasn't a big deal, he said.

"I don't think baldness is repulsive. You'd hope a woman would be looking for a lot of different qualities in a man," he said.

I then talked to his significant other for the past 17 years, Ann White. She talked about what attracted her to Cabarga.

"He was intelligent, articulate," she said. She mentioned Sean Connery. Ever notice what nice arm and chest hair Connery's got? "There's a certain kind of sexiness a lot of men who're bald or going bald have," she said.

So there's your equal time, bald guys. You got three mentions of Sean Connery.

Although I have to say, we all know there's Sean Connery and then there are the rest of the bald guys. Like when I called the Henry Art Gallery and talked to a couple of the women who signed Paul Cabarga's petition.

A "great guy," is how they talked about Paul. A "great guy," as in a nice, great guy.

Somehow, I don't think that's exactly the description Paul Cabarga was looking for.

Erik Lacitis' column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Friday in the Scene section of The Times.