Child Abuse Or Parental Discipline? -- Mother Turned In By Private Group

MOUNTLAKE TERRACE - Evelyn's 7-year-old son was testing the limits of his mother's patience, and he crossed the line when he yelled a vulgar obscenity at her.

His mother grabbed a bar of soap and stuck it in his mouth for a moment to "get across the message that that language is not acceptable," the mother said.

But when the mother, who asked to be identified only as Evelyn, told a Parents Anonymous group about the incident this month, it was her behavior that was deemed unacceptable.

The group leader reported Evelyn to Children's Protective Services (CPS) and Mountlake Terrace police, who sent officials to visit her at home.

One week later, the same group leader called CPS to report another group member, Roxanne Evans, who had told the group she had been holding a bar of soap eight years ago when her son grabbed it and put it his mouth by himself. However, authorities did not follow up on the second report because no force was used.

Though no official action was taken against either woman, both were angered by what they felt was an overzealous response by the leader. The women have left the group and have warned friends against attending its meetings.

Officials of Parents Anonymous, a nationwide private nonprofit organization that assists parents through self-help groups, say they take confidentiality very seriously - but they are required by law to report child abuse.

The same requirement applies to health-care professionals, police, teachers and others in similar professions.

"I didn't know it was illegal. You hear about it all the time," said Evelyn. She had gone to the group on the advice of a friend to get suggestions on how to handle her two sons.

"I'm a good mother, and to go to this (meeting) and get slapped down like that is . . . like being penalized for looking for support," she said.

At the start of each meeting, Parents Anonymous announces that it is required by state law to report child abuse.

Officials say catching abuse in its early stages can help prevent more serious abuse later.

Deciding whether or not to report a parent for putting soap in a child's mouth involves a judgment call, said John George, regional administrator for the state Division of Children and Family Services, of which CPS is a part.

"It was clear to me the line was crossed in this case," said Nina McKenzie, the group leader who reported the two women to authorities.

George agreed the incident probably was reportable and stressed that he was not questioning McKenzie's judgment. But he wondered if Parents Anonymous could have handled it without embarrassing Evelyn by announcing it to the group.

A manual used by workers in the state Division of Children and Family Services lists examples of "cruel and inhumane acts" to a child.

One item on the list is forcing a child to eat a nonfood item such as soap.

State law defines child abuse, in part, as injury or maltreatment that jeopardizes a child's health, welfare and safety.

Yet the law also states that it is not intended to interfere with reasonable parental discipline when that discipline doesn't jeopardize the child.

Whether any specific incident is defined as abuse or reasonable discipline is not always clear.

"Washing a kid's mouth out with soap is going to be a pretty low-risk matter," said George. "A lot of parents do things because that's the way they were raised."

Evelyn made her first - and last - visit to Parents Anonymous earlier this month in Mountlake Terrace, where a group had started in September.

She heard the announcement that child abuse would be reported, but no one explained what child abuse is, she said. Parents Anonymous officials say listing examples of child abuse in that announcement would take too long and wouldn't take into account all the variables, such as the child's age.

Still, Evelyn and Evans felt they were taken off guard at the meeting, which involved about a dozen parents.

Evelyn told the group about the soap incident during a discussion of how to handle cursing by youngsters.

At the end of the meeting, McKenzie told the group that Evelyn must be reported to CPS because putting soap in a child's mouth was a reportable incident. She offered to help Evelyn turn herself in.

McKenzie's call that evening prompted CPS and Mountlake Terrace police to visit Evelyn. Both agencies talked to her children. And both told her that no further action would be taken.

Mountlake Terrace police Sgt. Craig McCaul, who investigated Evelyn's case, said sometimes there is a fine line between abuse and parental discipline. But he saw this as a clear case of discipline with no intent to commit assault.

Both agencies keep their records for years, however, and that's what scares Evelyn. Could she lose her children, she wonders, if another incident was reported to CPS?

George said it is unlikely a child would be removed from the parent's home unless there is clear evidence of heinous acts, such as broken bones or direct blows.

Both women say they understand the need for reporting child abuse. But they don't think they were guilty of it - and they don't feel supported by the group.

"This is a Parents Anonymous group, but there's nothing anonymous about it," Evans said.

Evelyn said she will turn to her church for guidance now - and at least one other person also has left the group since the two women were reported to CPS.

McKenzie, the leader, said she is sympathetic to the women and sorry they didn't come back to benefit from the group's support. She said she called Evelyn after the report was made and asked her to return.

Linda McDaniels, state program coordinator for Parents Anonymous, said the decision to report is sometimes a difficult one, but anything that involves the child's head sets off alarms. About three-quarters of the state's 28 chapters have made reports to CPS about members.

While CPS may be known for its authority to take children away from abusive parents, it's more likely that parents would be referred to services that are available only through CPS, such as crisis nurseries, she said.

She said even after parents are reported by Parents Anonymous, they are encouraged to stay in the group, and most of them do.

"Parents are grappling with different rules from the ones we had 20 years ago," McDaniels said. "Getting that word out to parents is part of what we do."

--------------------- REPORTING CHILD ABUSE ---------------------

Most people who regularly work with children - from day-care workers to psychologists - are required by state law to file a report when they have reason to think that a child has suffered abuse or neglect.

Even citizens who have reason to think that a child is being abused or has been abused or neglected are encouraged - though not required - by the law to report it. Clergy are exempted unless an admission of abuse was made when the clergy member was acting as a counselor rather than as a spiritual adviser.

Some practices once considered discipline now are considered child abuse by authorities. These examples of child abuse are taken from a manual used by state Children's Protective Services workers:

-- Forcing a child to stand in a corner for hours.

-- Denying a child food or liquids for extended periods of time.

-- Giving a child an inappropriate diet, such as adding salt to milk.

-- Shaking a child under age 3.

-- Slapping an infant.