A Knock At The Door -- How Should Kids Left Alone At Home Deal With A Stranger On The Doorstep? Trudy Dana, A Child-Safety Expert, Says It's Important To Role-Play With Children Until They Can Comfortably Handle A Variety Of Situations. It's Not Enough To Merely Say, ''Be A Good Kid And Be Careful!''

In light of recent child abductions and molestations, and a Family Talk question on home-alone children, we offer advice from Trudy Dana, a child-safety expert and author of several books on the topic:

There has been much confusing information recently about how children home alone should deal with someone at the door.

I have worked in the field of child safety for the last 15 years, teaching thousands of children and parents. I know how children react, what works, what does not and why. It's easy to come up with safety advice that seems logical and workable, but it's the practice that proves the value and effectiveness of any strategy.

Let me explain why some suggestions just don't work.

The National PTA advises parents to teach their children how to handle someone at the door, but when I role-play this with parents, they admit even they are not sure how to safely handle the situation. If parents are unsure, can they be expected to teach this information to their youngsters?

The National Crime Prevention Council suggests children never let a "stranger" into the house or apartment. To find out whether the person at the door is a stranger, the child must look out a window, through a peephole or ask who is there. If the person is a stranger, the child is stuck handling this difficult situation. Children simply cannot balance concern with personal safety and their desire to be polite and helpful. People who prey upon

youngsters know this and can often talk a child into opening the door.

In a recent class, a sixth-grade girl told me, "He saw me look out the window and knew I was home. I felt so dumb, I just opened the door." Fortunately, the caller intended no harm.

Children cannot judge the safety of a person at the door, and while most callers have a legitimate purpose and would not hurt a child, the youngster cannot safely make this judgment. I have heard many reports of people trying to talk a child into letting them in. Various tricks have been used: someone with a package, a delivery person with flowers, feigning an accident and needing help, asking directions and ruses.

If children tell the caller Mom can't come to the door or Dad is on the phone, the caller can simply say, "That's OK, you can sign for (or accept) this delivery." Many children slip up here and ask the caller to come back later and inadvertently add, "when my parents are home."

If the caller is told to take the package to a neighbor, he can tell the child he already tried to deliver a package there, no one was home, and can then add that the other neighbor just drove away. At this point in the conversation, most children admit they would have opened the door. Even if a child can resist opening the door, the youngster has given a clear indication that he or she is home alone, without the protection and care of an adult!

Other strategies that simply do not work: Some children ask the delivery person for identification. When I role-play this, I dig through my pockets, say I'm new on the job, don't have an ID card yet, and finally produce my driver's license. If the child asks whom the package is for, if the family name is on the mailbox, I use it. If not, I say the ink on the mailing label is smeared, I can't read the name, but I can make out the address (which I can easily read from the house or apartment numbers on the residence). Some children put the chain lock in place and open the door. Most chain locks are not strong enough to deter a person of even moderate strength. Some children ask me to slip the paper to sign under the door or through the mail slot or doggy door. Most doors are so well insulated that it's impossible to slip anything under them, and very few homes have mail slots or doggy doors.

So what should children do when someone comes to the door? The best practice is for young children to simply ignore a doorbell or a knock when they are home alone. They should not go to the door, look out a peephole or a window, or ask who is there. They should simply ignore the bell or knock. Even if the child can be seen through a window, he or she still should not go to the door.

Children always ask what will happen if their parents get locked out. I reply that Mom or Dad would pound on the door and holler, you would know it was them and would let them in. I suggest youngsters tell their friends to phone first before they come over to play or stand outside the house and holler the child's name.

When parents tell their youngsters to simply ignore the doorbell or a knock, they can't end the discussion at that point. It is well-known that burglars sometimes ring the bell to find out if someone is home, and if they do not get a response they may assume the place is unoccupied and break in. Because of that possibility, parents must tell their children what to do if they think someone is trying to break into the house or apartment. I advise parents to reassure their children that this probably will never happen and I also tell parents how they can work to make their home less of a target for burglars.

Children, however, should be advised that in the event of a break-in, the safest procedure is to quickly get out of the house through another door or an accessible window, run to the neighbor's and call the police. If a child cannot get out - for instance, if he or she lives in an apartment with only one door or is in an upstairs room and cannot quickly escape - the next best action is for the child to phone the police. The child should make it clear he or she is home alone and someone is trying to break in; this priority call receives immediate attention. As a very last resort, if the child is unable to get out of the house or apartment and cannot get to a phone, he or she should hide under a bed, in a locked bathroom or closet and remain quiet until the intruder leaves. Children must be cautioned not to use any type of weapon (gun, knife, etc.) against an intruder because it's usually the child who is harmed in this case.

The entire issue of dealing with someone at the door and burglary is complicated and can be frightening to children unless parents repeatedly reassure their youngsters that this probably will never happen to them.

It takes time to teach safety information calmly and clearly.

Role-play with children until they can comfortably handle a variety of situations.

Unfortunately, the majority of parents leave their youngsters home alone with advice as simplistic as, "Be a good kid and be careful!" In today's times that's simply not enough. - Trudy K. Dana, Edmonds

Dana is author of "Strangers Who Molest: Protecting Children from Sexual Predators," $4.50 from the Snohomish County Children's Commission Task Force on Child Safety, 4708 Dogwood Dr., Everett, 98203. She teaches child safety classes through area schools.