Males Have The Answers, - Even If They Don't

Try an experiment. Ask a male friend a question, something completely outside his sphere of expertise.

Will you get an answer? Chances are, you will. The male friend is exhibiting behavior known as Male Answer Syndrome. It's the compulsion by many individuals (mostly men, but sometimes women) to answer questions readily, regardless of knowledge.

I was introduced to Male Answer Syndrome in an article that ran in the Utne Reader, a reprint from New York-based Details magazine. The author, Jane Campbell, asks: "Have you ever wondered why men who can't pay their credit-card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt?"

Campbell says MAS tends to be mild until puberty, "when boys begin to speak with authority on matters of foreign policy at the same time they start to grow facial hair."

Campbell doesn't spare females, many of whom encourage MAS. She points out, "Women who behind closed doors expound eloquently on particle physics may be found in male company, gaping at the news that the Earth is round."

Awareness of MAS and the female syndrome (the "Say What?" Complex) could lead to less male-female communication, unless women take Campbell's advice to become skeptics. She says, "Women should remind themselves that if a man tells them something particularly interesting, there is a good chance that it is particularly untrue."

PUTTING ON THE DOG: The Pub at Juanita Bay is going to the dogs. Literally. Starting at 8 p.m. Tuesday, the sports bar will screen the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, the dog world's equivalent of the Super Bowl. The night's proceeds go to the Humane Society.

Pub owner Dave Frei won't be there in person, but he'll be on the big screen from New York. He'll again serve as color commentator.

CHEAP THRILL: Seattle newsies sometimes exchange news about one-time colleague Frank Zoretich. It was Zoretich who, pressed by editors to produce a story for the Sunday magazine, interviewed members of a Fremont biker gang. Another time, he did a question-and-answer with a 2-year-old.

Latest word on the irrepressible Zoretich is that he's resurfaced in Albuquerque and has published a travel book, "Cheap Thrills Adventure Club/New Mexico." Zoretich is pictured on the back cover, outfitted with a pith helmet. And, beware, it looks as if he's gazing in our direction.

R.I.P.: When Char Conner's dad died recently, she vowed to fulfill his final wish. He wanted his faithful dog's ashes buried by his side.

But, alas, her dad was buried in a Veterans Administration cemetery and the VA has rules against that.

After the dog died, Conner, undeterred, stopped at the vet's to pick up a box containing the dog's ashes. (She says, "Afterwards, I realized that I ought to have asked for a `doggy bag.' ")

She had the ashes with her when she went to visit her dad's grave (in a nearby city that will go unnamed). And, well, what the VA doesn't know about this probably won't hurt anyone. But Conner, at least, feels she's fulfilled her vow.

MY WAY: Sumner resident Frank Catalano reports seeing a red Ford van with a license-plate holder that responds to all those people with bumper stickers that say they'd rather be sailing, skiing or surfing. The top line reads: "I am doing." The bottom adds: "What I'd rather be doing."

Jean Godden's column appears Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the Northwest section of The Times. Her phone is 464-8300.