Mothers Without Sons -- `Our Kids Didn't Die For Nothing - They Died For Freedom'

Two mothers. Two sons. One Army helicopter crash.

And now, another anniversary to note: the passing of the first year since the Persian Gulf War began a year ago this week, and soon after that the death of two beloved sons.

Shirley Lansing of Bellevue and Carol Belas of Port Orchard had never met before their only sons were killed, along with seven others, in a helicopter that crashed in the Iraqi desert.

Now the two are preparing for a media barrage and renewed interest in the Gulf War, plus a flood of remembrances about John K. "Jack" Morgan, 28, and Lee Belas, 22.

Statistically, there was little chance that death in the faraway desert war would intrude on any particular family in King or Kitsap counties. Out of 540,000 U.S. troops, 146 were killed in action during Desert Storm, with five Washington residents among the casualties.

But statistics mean little to family and friends left behind, who continue to struggle with overwhelming grief and a gaping emptiness as they gather around the table for holidays and everyday dinners.

"I thought I knew what grief was like, yet I didn't know losing a child would be this consuming kind of dysfunction," said Lansing, president of a Seattle employment agency. "As a person, I will never be the same."

"These are all new emotions that we're going through," agrees Belas, Kitsap County assessor. "For someone who's usually been in control, it's hard to predict."

Both women say their strong Christian faith has sustained them over the year, as has a tremendous outpouring of support from strangers all over the country. Lansing said her family has received more than 1,000 cards, letters and mementos, and they continue to arrive.

The yellow ribbons have faded and, for the most part, American flags are back in basements after the wave of euphoria over the allied victory subsided. Yet, neither Lansing nor Belas expresses doubts about the U.S. combat role.

"Our kids didn't die for nothing - they died for freedom," said Lansing. "These are people who gave their lives for their country in the cause of freedom. If you don't stop terrorists like Saddam, they will intimidate humanity."

"I definitely believe that we should have been there, that it was very necessary to stop Saddam Hussein because of the nuclear threat," said Belas. "I have no regrets about my son participating in it, though of course I sure regret the loss of his life."

While they say it's hard to see the Iraqi president walking around while their sons can't, neither woman says she is bitter about the turn of events.

"How can I waste my anger on him?" asks Lansing. "There will always be ruthless people in the world.

"I don't have room in my life for bitterness," she said, gazing out of her office window at a large American flag fluttering in the distance. "It's enough to deal with the grief."

Belas believes the U.S. achieved its goal in the war: "We freed Kuwait," she said. "Yes, it would have been nice to get Saddam at the same time. But God will say when it's time for Saddam to find his end. I'm very proud of the job our troops did."

For the mother of Army Pfc. Ardon B. (Brad) Cooper, another casualty of the war, there still are unanswered questions. Cooper, 23, was one of the first to die on Iraqi soil after the ground war began in February.

"Brad had strong feelings about going over there to take care of Saddam Hussein and we didn't do that," said Susan Cooper of Seattle. "I don't feel bitter, but I don't feel like the problem has been resolved. We didn't achieve real peace in the Middle East and a lot of suffering is still going on.

"I would have liked it if Brad's death meant no other young men would suffer or die," said Cooper.

As they struggle to make sense of their losses, the three women remember this first year without their sons, sometimes slipping and talking of them in the present tense. They were pleased the war ended without more families losing children, but they couldn't share the country's celebratory frenzy.

"It was an amazing contrast how excited and happy people were for the outcome and how intensely sad we were," said Lansing. "I wasn't in the mood to celebrate when personally I was destroyed."

Belas said she and her husband, Peter, traveled to Washington, D.C., for the parade there but bowed out of others they were invited to.

"The celebrations were awfully hard and they wore thin after a while," said Belas. "Invariably they would play `Taps,' and none of the families who lost someone can make it through that song without dissolving in tears. We tried to participate, but we didn't think people knew the whole picture."

Lansing was invited to her son's 10-year reunion from Interlake High School, along with Morgan's fiancee. She flips the reunion program to its back page, a tribute to Morgan in which the letter he sent to his family from Saudi Arabia, to be opened if he died in battle, is reprinted.

"Well, if you have to open this up, please don't worry about me," wrote Morgan. "I'm all right and for once I know something you don't, what Heaven's like."

Lansing was a guest speaker at the Billy Graham crusade in the Kingdome in April, where she told 54,000 listeners her son's story of faith and read his poignant letter. The audience responded with a standing ovation and, to her surprise, Graham used her testimony and her son's letter to end his latest book, "Hope for the Troubled Heart."

Belas also has been asked to speak to churches and other groups about her son. She spent four months trying to learn more about Lee's death and getting his personal belongings home from Saudi Arabia.

"I wanted to get hold of his diary I knew he kept every day," said Belas. "I wanted to be able to touch the things he last touched, to smell the smell of his clothes one last time. It was important to me."

Both Belas and Cooper traveled to the military bases where their sons had served to talk to fellow soldiers and find consolation.

"Some of Lee's friends were having difficulty dealing with his death," said Belas of her August visit to Fort Riley, Kan. "My going really forced the issue. I forced them to talk about the accident, and that was good for all of us."

Cooper went to Fort Hood, Texas, in May to accept her son's Silver Star and Purple Heart. She met with the solider whose life Brad saved by shielding him during a raid and found that talking was cathartic for both mother and friend.

The low points of the year were not surprising: Mother's Day, Memorial Day, birthdays, any holiday - especially the first Christmas.

"At Christmas we held on to each other, tried to be together and survived it," said Lansing.

"I had promised Brad I wouldn't have Christmas until he came home," said Cooper, her voice catching. "And now he won't ever have another."

After her son's burial, Lansing found herself going to the cemetery every day to visit: "It was the closest I could get to him, even though I knew he wasn't there." Though she's reduced her visits, she knows she'll be there more in upcoming days as the anniversary approaches.

Lee Belas is buried minutes from his family's home in Port Orchard; his grave was adorned with a Christmas tree over the holidays. His mother visits often, using it as a place to cry and find peace.

Carol Belas remembers when Lee went to see the new grave of his recently deceased grandfather. It was the last time her son was home, during Christmas 1990.

"It just seems kind of ironic that here he was in the cemetery, paying respects to his grandpa," said Belas.

"And then, two months later, he's buried there."

WASHINGTON STATE'S GULF WAR DEAD

JOHN K. MORGAN, 28

Army Warrant Officer from Bellevue. Morgan was born in Seattle, grew up in Bellevue and was a 1981 graduate of Interlake High School. He served three years as an electrician's mate in the Navy, worked for investment firms in New York and Atlanta, and joined the Army in 1989.

Died: Feb. 27, 1991. His helicopter was shot down in Iraq on the day the cease-fire was announced.

Survivors: Shirley Lansing, mother, and Glenn Lansing, stepfather, both of Bellevue; Don Morgan, father, of California; and two sisters, Catherine Morgan of Los Angeles and Elizabeth Thomas of Seattle.

LEE A. BELAS, 22

Army sergeant from Port Orchard, Kitsap County. A 1986 graduate of South Kitsap High School, Belas was a linguist and communications jammer in a military intelligence unit.

Died: Feb. 27, 1991, when his helicopter was shot down in Iraq on the day the cease-fire was announced.

Survivors: include parents Peter and Carol Belas of Port Orchard and a sister.

ARDON B. "BRAD" COOPER, 23

Army Pfc. Cooper attended Briarcrest Elementary School and Kellogg Junior High in the Shoreline School District before moving to Denver. He returned to the Seattle area to work.

Died: Feb. 20, 1991, when his anti-aircraft vehicle was hit by Iraqi fire.

Survivors: include his mother, Susan Cooper of Seattle; father, Don Cooper of Toronto; sister, Dannelle of Seattle; and a half-sister and half-brother in Toronto.

DAVID Q. DOUTHIT, 24

Army sergeant from Tacoma. Douthit was a member of the 2nd Battalion, 1st Infantry Regiment at Fort Lewis before he was transferred to Fort Riley, Kan.

Died: Feb. 27, 1991. He was hit while firing on advancing Iraqi infantry as other members of his crew aided a disabled light-armor fighting vehicle.

Survivors: include parents Harvey and Nita Douthit of Anchorage, widow Jessica.

ERIC HEDEEN, 27

Air Force 1st Lt. from Malaga, Chelan County. Hedeen was a 1982 graduate of Wenatchee High School and a 1987 graduate in architecture from Washington State University. At WSU, Hedeen was in the Air Force Reserve Officers Training.

Died: Feb. 2, when his B-52 crashed into the Indian Ocean after a mission.

Survivors: include wife Susan Hedeen of Memphis, and parents Gerald and Dee Hedeen of Malaga.

TOMORROW -- The pain continues for Gulf War prisoner Cliff Acree.