Robert O'boyle -- 1959-1992 -- Award-Winning Columnist Gave Aids A Tough Fight -- `He Was Courageous In A Gentle Way.'

It seems somehow correct to say that it is never easy to write about death. It is harder still when the subject is someone you know.

It does, however, seem easy to write about the death of Robert O'Boyle.

He made it so.

The 32-year-old columnist who had chronicled his battle with AIDS for more than a year and a half in these pages died yesterday. The disease that marked his life and his writings finally killed him.

But he has left behind a legacy rare in the course of this disease. He was one of the country's only writers to bare his struggle in print, and in doing so developed a legion of readers who in turn deluged him with letters of their own.

Through it all, he taught a great number of people how to live with death.

Mr. O'Boyle's final struggle with AIDS began more than a month ago when he was hospitalized with pneumocystis carinii pneumonia, an illness he'd beaten once before, early on in the disease.

But even while hospitalized, he continued to write. His final columns included two emotional pieces in which he spoke of not knowing what lay ahead for him, of not knowing whether this time he'd finally lose the battle he'd been putting into words.

His writings, indeed even his life, became beacons for many.

Funny how he was the hardest to convince of that truth. "Are you sure this column is OK?" he'd say. "Am I saying this correctly?" "Do you think anybody's reading this?" "Do you think I'm getting

through to the right people?" "I'm sorry, this isn't very good" . . .

He, however, would need no further convincing than words like these from family and friends, from co-workers, from other people with AIDS and from his readers:

-- Brian O'Boyle, one of Robert's brothers: "AIDS was more of an irritant to Bob than a disease. It never slowed him down. He saw AIDS as his partner in life and death. He fought hard and never complained. Bob's message was that AIDS is not a gay disease, it is a modern-day plague that will affect us all."

-- Michael Fancher, executive editor of The Seattle Times: "We started the column because we wanted someone with AIDS to tell readers what it's like living with the disease, day in and day out. Robert did more than that, he achieved a strong and personal connection with readers. I'm not sure it's possible to appreciate how much courage it must have taken for Robert to share the last months of his life with us. But it's clear that his openness and honesty created an important column that profoundly affected its readers."

-- Susan Dunshee, director of the Seattle AIDS Support Group, where Mr. O'Boyle was a volunteer. (SASG provides a drop-in service and support groups for people with HIV/AIDS and their families and friends.) Dunshee: "Robert became a phone volunteer up here last spring. All of us knew about him because of his column. But most of us hadn't met him. I don't know if he had any idea what a hero he was in our eyes."

-- Jack and Sue Mallaghan, subjects of one of Mr. O'Boyle's columns. Jack: "Usually the most immediate response is to withdraw and to hide when you get a diagnosis like this. Those people perish very rapidly. But for those willing to take those things on. . . you know what the final chapter is, but all the chapters in between you'll be able to take some pride in. He was a gift to this community."

Sue: "I respect him a lot for keeping the public aware that (people with AIDS) are not numbers, and that's something that was real important to him."

-- Penn McDonald, director of a national award-winning Red Cross seminar on AIDS for high-school journalists. For the past two years, Mr. O'Boyle was one of the participants. McDonald: "He made a unique contribution to the success of the program, not only as a courageous individual living with HIV disease, but also as a working journalist. I know from the students' evaluations, he certainly made an impression on them, and he made an impression on me."

-- David Artim, SASG facilitator of a support group to which Mr. O'Boyle belonged. The group focused on treatments for the disease. Artim: "There were times when Robert came to the group very ill, but his sense of hope and his desire to push back the envelope, his sense of encouragement to the other people was really. . . I came to love him. His articles touched so many, like someone way out there in the suburbs who doesn't know their way around AIDS. There must be thousands who read his articles and got a glimpse. . . and hopefully a little awareness and a little compassion."

-- Dr. Tim Schacker, Mr. O'Boyle's physician and senior fellow in infectious diseases at the University of Washington Medical Center where Mr. O'Boyle took part in an 11-week study of an experimental anti-AIDS drug, CD4: "Every day was precious to him and he chose to use that time in the advancement of knowledge about HIV disease. His contribution was enormous."

-- Nancy Campbell, executive director of the Northwest AIDS Foundation. Campbell: "I don't think there's anyone who's been braver than Robert O'Boyle. What I loved about the man was that he was courageous in a gentle way. And he motivated me in a way that moves me to want to do more. I think that's an incredible gift."

Mr. O'Boyle began his column, called Living with AIDS, in June 1990. It was one of only a handful of such efforts in the country - and one of the first in print.

Through it, he became a conduit for all kinds of emotions.

He received hundreds of letters from readers - from people who knew nothing about the disease, from grieving parents and lovers to fans, old friends, even those suggesting cures.

He read every letter. He wrote about several of them (including the suggested cures); sometimes he'd simply bring a stack by the office. "There might be a good story idea in some of these," he'd say.

When he started writing he said, most of all, he wanted readers to understand more about the life of an AIDS patient and perhaps even learn something from his experience. So many people "think of people with AIDS as being gaunt. . . in bed with tubes running out of them and on their way out," he said.

"But we're not as sick as we were. We're living with AIDS now. We have to worry about other challenges. Maybe people should understand that the world should work with us and we can work with the world, and in an active sense."

Robert O'Boyle was diagnosed with acquired immune deficiency syndrome in February 1989. He nearly lost his battle with pneumonia then but, as he said, maybe he was just "too stubborn."

He struggled again in the fall of 1990, when he developed severe infections after returning from a trip to Mexico.

Mr. O'Boyle, a former prize-winning reporter for the Walla Walla Union-Bulletin, grew up in North Massapequa, Long Island, N.Y. He graduated from high school and attended Hofstra University, also on Long Island, for two years.

For two summers, Mr. O'Boyle worked in a cannery in Walla Walla; his father had taken a job on the Hanford Nuclear Reservation. Then in 1979 Mr. O'Boyle moved to Seattle to finish college at the University of Washington, majoring in psychology and journalism. After graduation, he worked for the UW's Suzzallo Library and free-lanced for the Queen Anne News.

His first full-time newspaper job was with the Issaquah Press, where he worked for 18 months. He went from there to the Walla Walla Union-Bulletin, where he covered a variety of beats for three years.

Four months after he was diagnosed with AIDS, he moved back to Seattle, in June 1989, to be closer to the city's medical facilities.

During its tenure, "Living with AIDS" earned Mr. O'Boyle a C.B. Blethen Award in 1991 for distinguished writing. (It was his second; he also earned one in 1988 while working for the Union-Bulletin.) The Blethen awards are named in memory of the man who published The Times from 1915 until 1941.

Mr. O'Boyle and his column became the subject of national magazine articles and Mr. O'Boyle himself became something of a celebrity on the local talk circuit, speaking about the disease, its treatment and the people living with it.

When Mr. O'Boyle first began writing his column, Warren King, The Times medical reporter, wrote this about him, in an introductory piece:

"A personable, straightforward person, O'Boyle brings those same qualities to his writing. He will make you understand a great deal more about AIDS. He will make you understand more about life."

Robert O'Boyle did that.

Among his survivors are his immediate family: his parents, Regina and James O'Boyle, his sister Kathy Rostkoski and his brothers Timothy, Brian, Kevin and James. A memorial service is being scheduled.

------------------- A CHANCE TO RESPOND -------------------

In writing Living with AIDS for the past year and a half, Robert O'Boyle's commitment was to connect with readers and tell them what it was like to live with the disease.

While he was alive, he was inundated with letters. We would like to give you a final chance to respond to Living with AIDS.

We would appreciate your calling us at 464-8469 by midday tomorrow and leaving a recorded message giving us your thoughts. We will select and then transcribe some of those messages for this coming Sunday's Scene section.

Please include your name and a daytime phone number when you call.

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Editor's note: In the past few days, Scene has lost two colleagues as a result of terminal illnesses. Style editor Marilyn Kirkby, whose life was recounted in these pages yesterday, died Saturday from cancer. Robert O'Boyle, whose Living With AIDS column appeared Sundays, died yesterday. Our stories about them are testaments to the valuable contributions they made to the paper and to the community.

-------------------------- SERVICE FOR MARILYN KIRKBY --------------------------

A memorial service for Times fashion editor Marilyn Kirkby, who died Saturday, will be held at 11 a.m. Friday at Acacia Funeral Home. A reception at the Lake City Elks Club will follow.