Does It Play In Seattle? -- Jean Godden Tracks The Trends For '92

When it comes to life, liberty and pursuit of trends those who live in good, gray Puget Sound hike to a different cadence.

Fads from elsewhere seldom are taken seriously. (How many true Puget Sounders bought those laughable Christian Lacroix dresses that looked as if Glenda the Good Witch were trying to attract a guy with a leg fetish?)

Conversely, things that Puget Sounders embrace are often considered absurd elsewhere. For example, here are 10 things that probably will always be "in" in Puget Sound but would provoke uncontrollable giggles in Philadelphia, Pensacola and Peoria:

1. Duck shoes worn to work.

2. Coeducational baby-shower potlucks.

3. Coffee/pastry shops that look like Berkeley in the '60s.

4. Classy restaurants that ask you to "keep your fork" between courses.

5. A fall social season that revolves around "them Dawgs." Schedule a wedding on a Saturday afternoon and you'll have three guests, counting your parents and the minister.

6. Intense community activism. Put two or more Puget Sounders together and you'll get an organization. Chances are it will be called "Friends of Something."

7. A serious caffeine addiction abetted by pushers who station espresso carts on street corners, even out in the hinterlands.

8. A taste for rain that leads those who place ads in the personals to offer the ultimate in cheap dates: "Long walks in the rain."

9. Rampant xenophobia that shows up everywhere. It's next to impossible to avoid T-shirts and bumper stickers that proclaim "Lesser Seattle," "Washington Semi-Native" and "Don't Californize Washington."

10. Seafood savvy that surfaces when diners ask - not if fish is "fresh or frozen" - but for a rundown on the family tree of each and every fillet.

BY CONTRAST, HERE ARE 10 things that Puget Sounders find it safe to trash, even in these politically correct times:

1. Californians. Yes, I know. I WILL get letters telling me that I am a bigot. But, hey, don't blame me. I'm merely the messenger. Puget Sounders resentment of Californians as a group ("but some of my best friends come from California") shows up even in folk humor. (Q. "How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb." A. "Three. One to change the bulb and two to say, `Oh, wow.' "

2. Eastern Washington. Puget Sounders blame "the other side of the mountains" for everything from 19th century attitudes to radioactive fallout. (They ask, "Why is night hunting so popular in Hanford?" A: "The jack rabbits glow in the dark.")

3. The weather. This is a safe subject even for rain-obsessed natives. They ask, "What do you call two days of rain in Puget Sound." A: "A weekend."

4. Smokers. The state treasury relies, to a large extent, on cigarette taxes, but smokers are not regarded as great benefactors and humanitarians. Instead they're cast out into the streets and treated as sidewalk felons.

5. Lawyers. Western Washington has 12,412 lawyers, an imbalance in the ecosystem not unlike having too many lemmings or carpet beetles. That probably explains why it's always open season on the legal profession. (Q. "What do you call 2,000 lawyers at the bottom of Puget Sound?" A. "A good start.")

6. Bellevue. Trashing the Eastside is always safe. (Q. "What do you call a mortuary in Bellevue?" A. "Death 'n Things.")

7. Ballard. Seattle's Scandinavian ghetto is the target of jokes that poke fun at the Norse population. (Q. "Why did they ban the wave in Ballard?" A. "Too many people were drowning.")

8. The Seattle Mariners. One reason to keep the team in town is to give citizens an excuse to carp. (Q. "What do the Brothers Four and Dave Valle have in common?" A. "It's been a long time since either has had a decent hit.")

9. Other peoples' money. One sure way to defeat a ballot issue is to point out that it's backed by East Coast or California money.

10. Boeing. Even though Boeing is our bread and butter, it's OK to kid about the Lazy B. (Q. "What do you call a Boeing worker's day off?" A: "Redundant."

Those are the perennials. But there are many contemporary outs and ins in Latteland. Here are a few:

IN OUT

Multicultural pluralism Men's clubs . Coupon books with twofers $30-a-plate entrees . Wheat beers Lite anything . Martinis Cheap white wine . Micro-politics Global issues . Helping schools Helping the M's . Consensus politics Power politics . Shopping in warehouses Shopping in boutiques . Director of solid waste Seattle Center director . Home security systems More police . Credit counselors Personal shoppers . Team management The boss . Blue Ridge Magnolia . Huskies Seahawks . Personal floatation devices Floating bridges . Board of Tax Appeals Department of Transportation . Martin Selig David Sabey . Advice on AIDS Advice to the Lovelorn . Herb Bridge Family Kemper Freeman Family . 42 shades of gray Plaid . Crystal Mountain Ski Acres . Calling when you could fax Faxing when you could call . Mountain climbing Social climbing . Responsibility Blaming your parents . Regimental ties Red power ties . "Twin Peaks" (the movie) "Twin Peaks" (the show) . Architect Robert Venturi "Hammering Man" . Saving old theaters Tearing down old theaters . Rowing (indoors and out) Tennis, anyone? . Channel 11 with Don Porter Visiting Team at KING-TV . Mayor Nice Mayor bashing . Running for office Staying in office . The Mafia look Gray flannel suits . Skin treatment Tanning salons . Talk shows Top 40 . Upscale matchmakers The personals . Interdisciplinary art Graffiti . Children's books Children's TV . Country music Heavy metal . Snowboarding Nordic skiing . Cat-compatible premises Dog-eat-dog world . Italian peasant loaves Sliced bread . God Citizen initiatives . Bagels Croissants Rummage sales Half-yearly sales Love letters Mash notes Liposuction ($1,000 per Person trainers ($300 per pocket of fat) month) . Bird watching Flipping the bird . Home for the holidays Winter vacations . Personal charity Christmas bonuses . Magic Johnson Unsafe sex . Voice mail Post-It notes . Buckles Velcro . Dolby HX Pro noise reduction Dolby B, Dolby C . Books on audio tape Sex on videotape . Street hikers Duck shoes . Black basketball shoes White ones . Garth Brooks Hank Williams Jr. . k.d. lang Reba McEntire . Pouched pasta sauce Frozen foods . Laura Dern Julia Roberts . Demi Moore Bruce Willis . Chris Isaak Chris Columbus . Booth Gardner Booth Gardner . Your congressman Everybody else's . Dave Barry Orrin Hatch . Downsizing Upgrading . Old flannel baseball shirts The Mariner "S" . "Flowrobics" Power walking . Hypercolor T-shirts Neon . Duvall Kent . Big costume jewelry Big hair (except in Kent) . Swiss Army watches Digital timepieces . Rollerblades Brian Blades . Keeping your name or using his Hyphenated names . Tap dancing Disco . The Vogue Salsa . Old girls' network Sexual harassment . Italian food Thai food . Metro/carpools Long commutes . Gangs Wannabe gangs . Gus Van Sant Kevin Costner . Jeeps Volvos . House shopping House selling . Men with ponytails Hair sculpting . Ashland Dinner theater . Steve Pool Dan Lewis . Crocodile Cafe Dinosaurs . Refinancing Balloon payments . Fix it Charge it . Paper cups Polystyrene cups . Punch cards/pull tabs Lotto . Green Party Stag party . Salmon Cheap electricity . Studying science and math Studying art and music . Pedicures at the Four Seasons Manicures anywhere . Western movies Western cuisine . Ergonomics Treadmills . Belltown Georgetown . Casa-U-Betcha Longacres . Lamb Veal . Chocolate anything Plain vanilla . Postcards Personal letters . Birkenstocks High-heeled mules . Recovery books Vice . KNDD-FM ("The End") KIXI-AM (the beginning) . Converse All Stars ($23 at Any sports shoe over $100 . Chubby and Tubby) . Thunderbirds Junior Hockey Junior football . Husky women's basketball Seattle SuperSonics . Compact-disc collections Cassette singles . Cowboy boots Boat shoes . Message films like "Thelma & Remakes of classics . Louise" . Sequels First novels . Bowling Golf . "Outland" "Apartment 3-G" . "Calvin & Hobbes" "Gasoline Alley" . Boredom Sex . Iron John John Wayne .

. Jean Godden's column appears Sunday, Monday and Wednesday in the Northwest section of The Seattle Times. Fred Birchman is a Times news artist.