`Are You A Virgin?' Forum Gets Teens, Parents Talking About Sex

BELLEVUE - "Michele, can I be your dad for a minute?" moderator Ken Schram asked one of the six panelists at the "Teen Sexuality in the 90s" forum last night.

The Newport High School senior consented.

"Now, I'm the kind of dad who is really embarrassed about having any discussion about sex," Schram began, blurting, "Are you still a virgin?"

Michele Glisson's face flushed crimson, but she responded immediately.

"Do you want to know how I would react?" Glisson asked. "If I was speaking to my father, I don't think it would help anything by getting angry. But I don't think it is any of his business because it is my body, not his."

The Youth Eastside Services public forum was billed as a way to get people talking. And boy, did they. Of the 250 or so people filling Bellevue's Red Lion Hotel ballroom, most were teens. But parents did a lot of the talking.

Schram, a KOMO-TV commentator, then turned to a silver-haired man, who also agreed it wouldn't be any of his business if he were Glisson's dad. Panelist Tony Silvestrin, a Seattle/King County public-health educator, took issue with Schram's approach.

"We need to be honest and frank with our children," he said, "but I'm not sure what value that question would have. Would you offer her different information if she were no longer a virgin than if she were? Your role as a father would be the same."

Sex, yes or no, dominated the discussion, despite attempts to shift the topic to stereotypes, date rape, gender roles, sexual orientation and emotional relationships.

"When we talk about sex education," said Nancy Pullen, a Mercer Island High School senior, "we are talking about anatomy but not giving students the opportunity to communicate their ideas about sexuality."

Determining sexuality in this society is a difficult task for teens, said panelist and Bellevue parent Shirley Neal.

"We ask our kids to say no when everything else around them encourages them to acknowledge their sexuality at an early age," Neal said. "Sex is used to sell everything from cosmetics to cereal. How do we give them the skills to say no in an atmosphere such as this?"

AIDS was the underlying issue.

"When you are being sexually active you are playing Russian roulette with five bullets," said Bellevue parent Mindy Greer. "Asking your children if they are sexually active is not wrong. They need to make the decision to just say no. There is no other alternative. This is not a game anymore. This is a life-or-death issue."

But the call for abstinence falls on many deaf ears, countered other speakers. Panelist Tom Kertes, a 1991 graduate and a member of Seattle's Gay/Lesbian Adolescent Drop-in Group, said he is aware of the risks he faces.

"Every time I have sex I realize that I am taking a risk of contracting AIDS," Kertes said. "I take as many precautions as possible, and I pray to God."

Panelist Tyler Davidson, the Bellevue High School senior-class president, said that while no sex is the safest alternative, students need explicit information on protection from disease and pregnancy, so whatever decision they make will be the safest.

"I've heard about parents who have bought their kids birth control, to parents who have caught their kids having sex and the guy said the dad chased him out," Davidson said. "What do they expect teens to do when they are with their boyfriend or girlfriend and the hormones are pulsing? We need to take steps to educate them and not tell them, `No, you can't do that.' "

Melinda Giovengo, director of the Eastside Adolescent Center and a member of the audience, agreed: "If you don't want them playing Russian roulette, unload the gun. When you start giving them all the information about birth control and disease prevention, when they reach 13, 14 or 15 years old, you can trust they are going to make an informed, conscious decision."

"The more someone knows how to use a condom, the more effective it is," said Glisson. "Allowing teens access to birth control doesn't mean they will become sexually active. America needs to face the fact that many teens are sexually active."