Now, Just Wait A Minute . . .

So . . . let's assess our dilemma: How to pander without appearing too flagrant about it?

Over the weekend, some 300 of you called my voice mail machine, all because last Friday I asked if you wanted a column about a sordid book titled "How to Get the Women You Desire Into Bed: A down and dirty guide to dating and seduction for the man who's fed up with being Mr. Nice Guy."

You didn't help much.

Ross Jeffries, the Los Angeles author of that sordid, sleazy book, gets the ratings when he's been on Phil Donahue, Geraldo, Sally Jessy Raphael and radio.

But Ross told me he's been shunned by the print media. I assume that's because REAL print journalists consider themselves above pandering. Print journalists also can be real hypocrites.

That's when I thought of asking you to decide. Then we could share the blame.

Guess what? Not much was resolved. The vote was nearly 50-50, although men voted quite differently than women.

Three-quarters of you guys voted "yes," saying stuff like, "It's another Saturday and once again a date I had on Friday night fizzled. Where can I buy that book?"

Two-thirds of you women voted "no," leaving comments such as, "Jeffries is a pig."

Here's what I decided to do.

Please meet Heidi Schmakeit-Mara, 28, an events coordinator for Lufthansa Airlines in Seattle. She finds Ross disgusting.

I thought, why not have Heidi question Ross? She is articulate, intelligent and might give this a little, um, credibility.

Just think of the following excerpts as the print version of one of those talk shows.

Heidi: "Your book sounds like date rape."

Ross: "That's crazy! I never will and do not advocate the use or the threat of force!"

Heidi: "Your book sounds like an `us vs. them' book. Another conquest, yipee, skipppee."

Ross: "It is an `us vs. them' situation when you're a guy, and you don't have money, and you don't have looks. Let's talk frankly, like we're having a beer. Any night of the week, if you wanted to go out, and pardon my language, get laid, all you have to do is smile. Step into a man's shoes for a minute. He has to meet her, get the phone number, be the aggressor. It's a pain in the ---."

Heidi: "Your advice about `---- them and forget them' is disgusting."

Ross: "What I say is that if you find a woman who handles being treated nicely, and that treats you nicely, you should cherish her and never let her go. But don't be a nice guy to someone who can't handle it. Don't be idealistic."

Heidi: "On Page 32 you say, `Oh, the joy of battle, my brothers! Flushing a chick down the toilet of humiliation is almost as great a kick as scoring!' "

Ross: "I'm talking about little exploitative Nazi -----. The other day I had a date with a woman. Within a half hour she asked me if she could borrow some money. I said, `No way! I'm taking you home right now!' That's the kind of slimy ---- that deserves that kind of treatment."

Me: "What percent of women do you estimate fall in this scummy category?"

Ross: "I'd say 20 to 30 percent are good-hearted, decent people. The majority of them are screwed up in the head, or selfish, or manipulative, or they don't have the taste to be interested in me."

(Ross puts us on hold because of another phone call.)

Ross: "That was a time-wasting ----- who wants me to be her phone buddy. I was going to tell her to ---- off. I tell men, when women tell you their problems and complain about other men, it's a sure sign you're not gonna get laid. Women don't sleep with guys they tell their problems to."

Me: "What many women told me is that your book was so . . . insensitive."

Heidi: "That's right, crass."

Ross: "---- sensitivity! What I'm saying is that dating is a street fight. There are no rules. . . . The guys who read my book love it. I'm talking the way guys think - `You -----, you dirty . . .' "

Heidi: "Not guys I know . . ."

Ross: "Not in your presence."

Me: "Heidi, is Ross a guy who actually likes women?"

Heidi: "I don't think so. He likes to play with them."

Ross: "I like women who treat me with respect. . . . I used to be the nicest guy, and I got dumped, and dumped for it. Only when I started being more aggressive did I start to be more successful. I'm standing up for the little guy."

Heidi: "Who wants to flush a woman down the toilet."

Ross: "Erik, you gonna put my P.O. box in there?" (To the dozens of men who called about where to buy the book: $20 to Jeffries Publishing, P.O. Box 2956, Culver City, CA 90230)

Heidi: "This is one of those books they'll sell for a dime at a garage sale in five years."

Ross: "That just means the owner used it, it worked for him and he no longer needed it. Thank you for the endorsement. I'm too fast, too quick and too slimy."

Heidi (after the interview): "His little world is in a petri dish. Yech."

Thanks to Heidi for helping out, despite her misgivings about giving Ross publicity.

What you just read was a small portion of the phone conversation.

Oh, I suppose I could print more, if there were enough demand. . . .

No, no. Just kidding. I think.