Atwater Makes Apology To Dukakis

WASHINGTON - In a first-person article in February's issue of Life magazine, Republican National Committee Chairman Lee Atwater, ill with cancer, apologizes to Michael Dukakis and talks candidly about his fear of dying.

``The terror of it all is blinding,'' he writes.

Atwater is scheduled to undergo surgery in Washington tomorrow - the same day the article, titled ``Lee Atwater's Last Campaign,'' hits the newsstands. He has a malignant brain tumor, and doctors have described tomorrow's operation - to remove dead tissue from Atwater's brain - as delicate and risky.

In the article, he denounces dirty campaigning.

Atwater, who turns 40 next month, acknow-

ledges he was among the most ardent practitioners of negative politics. But he said he has ``come a long way since the day I told George Bush that his `kinder, gentler' theme was a nice thought but it wouldn't win us any votes.

``I used to say that the president might be kinder and gentler, but I wasn't going to be. How wrong I was. There is nothing more important in life than human beings.''

Atwater says he is sorry for insulting former Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis during the 1988 presidential campaign.

In the heat of that contest, Atwater said he ``would strip the bark off the little bastard'' and ``make Willie Horton his running mate.''

``I am sorry for both statements . . . the first for its naked cruelty, the second because it makes me sound racist, which I am not,'' Atwater wrote. He orchestrated President Bush's 1988 campaign against Dukakis.

When the Republican National Committee meets in Washington on Jan. 25, it will ratify Bush's choice of Agriculture Secretary Clayton Yeutter to become the new party chairman. Atwater will be the general chairman.

In the 5,000-word article, Atwater describes in detail his bout with the brain tumor, from the day he was rushed to a hospital last March to his weakened condition today.

In July, after a radiologist advised him that a new scan had shown the tumor had spread, Atwater thought the fight was over.

He says he cried as his personal physician talked about dying, about accepting death. ``He said it isn't death that frightens people; it's the dying - the loss of control, the fear of abandonment, pain, disorientation. He told me I wouldn't be abandoned, that there were drugs to ease my pain.''

Atwater says he and Ron Brown, his counterpart at the Democratic Party, have become good friends. ``Ron has been enormously kind. . . . He writes and calls regularly.''

Atwater's odyssey through unorthodox medicine has included almost everything.

``My doctors wouldn't allow me to follow the recommendation of a couple of Tibetans who examined my urine and said I should add herbs to my diet,'' he writes.

``But when a healer told me to get rid of my black T-shirts and start wearing red underwear, I obliged.''

The most shocking part of the Life feature may be its pictures.

Only 11 months ago, Atwater was a lean and vigorous jogger who preached the virtues of physical fitness. Now, the article's pictures show his body bloated from drugs.

``I lie here in my bedroom, my face swollen from steroids, my body useless and in pain. I will probably never play the guitar or run again; I can only hope to walk,'' he writes.

These days, doctors won't answer when he asks how long he has to live.

``How long do I have? Three weeks. Three months. Three years. I try to live as if I have at least three years, but some nights I can't go to sleep, so fearful am I that I will never wake up again.''