To Bed Or Not To Bed: Farrell Chose Not

``Holding on to the Air''

by Suzanne Farrell, with Toni Bentley

Summit, $19.95

Sleeping together was the only barrier - physical, mental or spiritual - not crossed by legendary choreographer George Balanchine and ballerina Suzanne Farrell, 41 years his junior and his dearest muse.

So explains Farrell in ``Holding on to the Air,'' the autobiography of America's most enigmatic, influential ballerina. She ranges from the sweat and perseverance needed to reach ballet stardom to the memory of her first kiss: with Pacific Northwest Ballet artistic co-director Kent Stowell.

Colleagues at the Balanchine-founded New York City Ballet may scoff: According to Farrell, nearly every ballerina who was any ballerina sooner or later was bedded, or bid to bed, by Mr. B in his 50 years with the company and its prototypes.

But Farrell makes it clear - and she makes it fascinating reading, as well - why a good Catholic girl from a strict family and parochial school would not cross the final hurdle: It wouldn't feel right morally. Balanchine was still married to his fifth wife during much of Farrell's tenure as lead ballerina at NYCB, and, Farrell maintains, it would have hurt their creative relationship.

Balanchine created 20 works for Farrell, from Tchaikovsky's impassioned ``Meditation'' to Mozart's chaste ``Mozartiana,'' which were among the most important creations in his brilliant career. Their style and content mirrored Farrell and Balanchine's relationship.

As balletomanes have every right to expect, Farrell talks about the early days as well as the creation, casting and performance of the major ballets. She also details the formation and development of her mystical partnership with Peter Martins - one of the most famous duos in dance history.

With co-author Toni Bentley, herself a former dancer, Farrell explores the confusion she suffered in her private life over her feelings for Balanchine, who possibly became a stand-in for an absentee father who abused her mother.

She also acknowledges that she was a willing captive of genius, detailing her view of the jealousy and isolation she suffered among other ballerinas who felt, with justification, that her romance with Balanchine, consummated or not, made their own advancement impossible. And Farrell writes of the resolution and release she experienced only when performing.

It all dovetails better than a good romance novel: In the end Farrell broke Mr. B's heart by eloping in 1969 with Peruvian-born dancer Paul Meija, whom Balanchine then dropped from the NYCB. She learned she herself was out when a wardrobe mistress quietly removed the tutu for that evening's show from her dressing room.

Farrell achieved new stature in Maurice Bejart's Belgium-based Ballets of the 20th Century before returning to the NYCB in triumph in 1975 and later staging a Balanchine ballet in the Soviet Union with the Kirov Ballet. She finally retired last fall at 45, because of hip problems.

Farrell took her autobiography's title from a note Balanchine gave her about her entrance in ``Meditation.'' It was a vision Mr. B. himself had, dancing that quintessential dreamer-chaser Don Quixote in his own ``Don Quixote.'' That's the one in which Farrell danced - who else? - Dulcinea.

Carole Beers is The Seattle Times' dance critic.