Make Way For The Mariner Moose -- From One Famous Moose To Another. .. Welcome To The Show -- Mum's The Word! Moose Mascot's Lips Are Sealed
CUTLINE: WORLD'S LARGEST MOOSE: THE WORLD'S LARGEST MOOSE STANDS ON THE HIGHWAY LEADING INTO... WHERE ELSE?... MOOSE JAW!
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Controversy already is swirling around the new Seattle Mariners' mascot - Mariner Moose - even before its debut tonight in the club's home opener against Oakland in the Kingdome.
Digging into the issue, The Times learned that the Mariner management unanimously and unilaterally determined that the Mariner Moose will not speak.
Ever.
But did anyone bother to ask the Moose?
Does this mean, then, that only dumb moosepeople need apply?
What if some child decides to pull on his antler? Silent screams, please.
And what if the Moose trips and tumbles down a Kingdome aisle? Apparently, no human sounds will be tolerated, just moose moans.
The club's moose monger and director of marketing, Stuart Layne, said the Mariners want the Moose to entertain fans in an animated way.
How does one become this pantomiming moosician? Is there a University of Higher Moosology?
``We figure that if they can't make it as a moose,'' says Layne, ``they can be a sports writer, because you need to be a clown for both jobs.''
Oh, that hurts.
Further investigative reporting revealed that the mooseperson cannot take a name, that it must adhere to a strict dress code and that it must walk upright.
Names have been suggested. Mickey Moose. Marvelous Marv Moose. Mukilteo Moose. Duwamoose. Edwin Moose. And Monica Moose, for reasons not well known. But Layne said its name is likely to be Mariner Moose to establish a national identity.
It has generated a national response. All the nation's sports periodicals have made reference to it.A Major League Productions crew flew in from New York for an interview. It's tough to get sound bites from a speechless moose.
Last month when news that a moose was trampling husky dogs during the Iditarod dogsled race, the Mariners denied any involvement and condemned the attacks as senseless acts of violence.
Why a moose? The idea came from Ammon Spiller, 10, of Ferndale, in the name-the-mascot contest. It came down to a choice between the Moose and a blubbery sea monster. The Moose won because it is distinctive and the fact that it is ineligible for salary arbitration.
Of Mariner Moose, this much we know: Its furry coat will be rust brown, not in the blue team color. Its three-foot antler-span will be tan. It will wear a Mariner jersey, but the number still is uncertain. No. 35 is claimed by minors' catcher Bill ``Moose'' McGuire.
``Moose purists came to us and said there'd be a revolt among their ranks if we had blue moose,'' Layne said. ``The last thing we want to do is upset the moose purists. They'd be picketing the dome and throwing things at us.''
Considering the nature of this year's Mariner moosepen, attempts were made to find a left-handed Moose but it's difficult to find quality left-handers. Trades or free agents have not be ruled out.
Like the Lone Ranger, the Unknown Comic, and Deep Throat, the mooseperson's true identity is not to be revealed.
Layne has only one regret about Moosemania.
``When I send all the newspaper clippings and publicity stuff about the moose to my mother,'' he said, ``I know what she's going to say: `Why did I spend all that money to send you to communications school, when I could have just sent you to the circus?' ''
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LIST OF MOOSES
The Mariner Moose joins some distinguished company in the moose world. Here's a list of odds, ends, antlers and other things you may not know about Alces Americana.
WHAT'S IN A NAME
The nickname ``Moose'' has adorned many an individual through the years. Here's just a few:
-- Moose Ortenzio: A minor-league baseball legend, played nine games for Kansas City back in 1973.
-- Moose Skowron: Former first basemoose who made his name with the Yankees.
-- Moose Haas: Former pitcher for Brewers.
-- Moose McGuire: A minor-league catcher in the Mariner farm system.
-- Moose Stubing: The California Angels third-base coach.
-- Moose Clausen: A senior accounts executive for the Mariners.
-- Bob Moose: Former pitcher for Pirates.
-- Edwin and Ursula Meese: A couple from the Reagan years.
-- Bullwinkle the Moose: Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
-- Moose: A pal of Archie, Jughead, Betty and Veronica at Riverdale High. Had a girlfriend named Midge.
-- Fred Saskamoose: Played 11 games for Chicago Blackhawks in 1953-54. Only stat in NHL was six penalty minutes.
-- Mighty Moose: Known for a fearsome forest cry, ``Here I come to save the day.''
-- Mickey Moose and the Mooseketeers: ``Who's the leader of the herd that's made for you and me, M-i-c, K-e-y, M-o-o-s-e!''
MOOSE AND THE ARTS
Authors and philosophers have relied on the noble moose as fodder for their craft for years. Among the more famous titles and sayings:
-- ``Of Moose and Men.''
-- ``No Moose Is Good Moose.''
-- ``The Moose That Roared.''
-- ``The Little Moose at Christmas Time.''
-- ``Quiet as a moose.''
-- ``I hate meeses to pieces.''
-- ``Once in a blue moose.''
-- ``Hickory, dickory, dock, the moose ran up the clock.''
MOOSE DEFINITIONS
-- Definition of a moose: A large ruminant mammal (Alces Americana) of the deer family inhabiting forested parts of Canada and the northern United States.
-- Another definition of a Moose: A member of a major benevolent and fraternal order.
-- And one more definition of a moose: A cow designed by committee.
MOOSE TRIVIA
-- Moose Jaw: A small city in southern Saskatchewan. Home of the world's largest moose.
-- Mooscatel wine: A rare vintage quite popular in the North Woods.
-- Moosical instruments: Things played by a moosician to produce . . . what else? . . . moosic.
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MARINER OPENER/
at a glance
-- Matchup: Seattle (1-2) vs. Oakland (2-1) in a three-game series, tonight (7:35), tomorrow (7:05) and Sunday (1:35).
-- Radio/TV: KIRO (710 AM) will do all three games; no local TV.
-- History: A crowd of 58,150, the first sellout in franchise history for a regular season game, is expected.
-- First pitch: Commissioner Faye Vincent will throw out the first pitch tonight. American League President Bobby Brown will also attend.
-- Getting there: Come early. Parking is expected to be at a premium and traffic around the Friday rush hour is expected to be bad news. Metro says it plans no shuttle service to the Kingdome.
-- Rotation: Tonight, Scott Bankhead vs. Scott Sanderson; tomorrow, Matt Young vs. Dave Stewart (1-0); Sunday, Brian Holman (1-0) vs. Bob Welch (1-0).
-- Notes: Mariner 3B Darnell Coles batted .327 , LF Greg Briley .306 and DH Alvin Davis hit .319 against the A's. . . . Coles still is nursing a sore hip but should play.