First-Rate Brat Schintzius Only Second-Rate Criminal

ORLANDO, Fla. - Examining the rap sheet compiled by suspended Gators center Dwayne Schintzius at the University of Florida, my first thought is to ask if Moe, Larry and Curly were accomplices. Or Pee Wee Herman.

A 7-foot-2, 260-pounder attacking two men with a tennis racket? Lucky for Dwayne the National Enquirer - or David Letterman - didn't get hold of that last year.

Spitting an alcoholic beverage on a carpet at Alpha Tau Omega and threatening to body-slam a coed? Tearing a mirror off a Jeep and throwing it at the frat house? These latest incidents involving Dwayne occurred last weekend, according to complaints forwarded to Gainesville police.

Schintzius has gotten into the kind of scrapes that make good ``Saturday Night Live'' skits. And frankly, for a big-time college star, it's embarrassing. Truly an underachieving criminal, Dwayne could get away with much more if he truly applied himself.

Other celebrated jocks across America's campuses are firing Uzis, delivering cocaine and beating up fellow students in bars. If Schintzius brought his purported bad self to Oklahoma, he'd be laughed out of town.

The hard, cold fact is that Dwayne, try as he might, is hardly a model hooligan. He's more of a brat, a Dennis The Menace on stilts. I'm not condoning what Dwayne has done. I don't know the whole circumstances, and neither do you. His brother, Travis, says of The Frat Spat: ``They're (the media) trying to bury my brother. If it had been anyone else, it would have been a slap on the wrist. It was just a little incident, but because it's Dwayne, they're making it out like it's murder.''

``Because it's Dwayne'' are the key words here, Travis.

What's disappointing is that as a senior, Dwayne still doesn't get it. Maybe his blood supply doesn't reach the top of his head. I don't know. Because he's Dwayne, because he's a Big Man on Campus (really big) and because he's a future first-round draft pick, he has to play the game OFF the court. He can't act like other students. They can fail to hold their liquor or re-create John Belushi's role in ``Animal House.''

Like it or not, Schintzius lost the right by becoming a star who entertains PAYING customers. It's not a bad trade-off. There are worse things than having to behave. Why make it so hard?

People today are jealous of athletes (or sick of them) and the money they make or, in Schintzius' case, will make. Some just might bait a jock into a brawl, knowing they don't have to read THEIR names in the headlines the next morning.

I understand his brother's heart-rending explanation that Dwayne's self-consciousness over his size causes him to erupt from time to time. Hey, there also are worse things than being tall enough to separate William duPont from a couple mil.

Florida Coach Don DeVoe had the right pre-fight advice for Dwayne: Walk away. It may be a humbling walk. But if there's a million dollars in my future, I could skip away from trouble. Singing.

As long as we're talking behavioral patterns, here's another theory: Maybe Schintzius doesn't care all that much.

I mean, for some time now, he knows he's just like a guy who has won the lottery. By next fall he'll hit the NBA jackpot without having to pick a number.

Color me amused at the NBA front-office types who have issued warnings that Schintzius is hurting his draft chances because of his . . . BEHAVIOR? These worrisome execs are trying to persuade others to back off of Dwayne so they can grab him. The only way Dwayne will not be among the first five picks is if he suddenly shrinks. He isn't blowing millions in salary, but millions in endorsement opportunities the way he can talk. Ad people DO care about image.

The NBA would never draft a bad actor if he could play or was 7 feet, would it? It'd never, never take a Quintin Dailey or a Chris Washburn or a Hot Rod Williams. Compared to these characters, Dwayne's a Boy Scout, albeit a bull-headed one.