Angels Camp Jumping With Joy Over Free Publicity

With apologies to Mark Twain. . . .

I see by the daily bird-cage liner that folks down in Angels Camp are right unhappy 'bout that Seattle man and his long-jumpin' superfrogs.

Seems the Nor'westner wants to enter his wild African spes'men in the annual Calaveras County Frog Jumping Contest. But the California crowd is all put off 'cause the Goliath frog - that's what it's called - the Goliath frog is too dern big.

Whereas you have your reg'lar pond frog comin' in 'round a pound, the gallopin' Goliath tips the scale at 8 times plus.

Why, it can cover a whole 30 feet in one flyin' lept!

That's quite a bit further'n the world record. A California bullfrog by name of Rosie the Ribeter jumped 21 feet, 5 3/4 inches back in '86. 'Ceptin' it took Rosie three lepts to do 'er.

Woman down that way, contest official name of Diane Baumann, is callin' it a ``super frog crisis.''

Since t'ain't no rules to keep the G'liath out - alls you got to be is a frog no smaller than fer inchers and don't matter if you're male, female or came down from Mars - contest folks are out beatin' the bushes for loopholes.

The Seattle frog man, Andy Koffman, says it's ``the destiny of my frogs to win the contest.'' Come May, Andy says, he'll be down in Angels Camp settin' all kinda records and walkin' `way with the big prize money, maybe 15 hundred.

Now not ever'one in Cal'fornia's too upset 'cause of this. County chamber of commer'ce down there says they're swamped with phone calls since the big frog news broke.

``It's the best promotion we could ever imagine for Angels Camp,'' one town lady said. ``I bet we had 150 calls today.''

'Course, Koffman's likin' it, too. He got calls from Peter Jennings, Johnny Carson, CBS, ``A Current Affair'' and was waitin' for David Letterman to ring up.

So it seems we got us an ethics cont'versy over the frog jumpin' contest. Which is mighty surprisin' - specially to those who 'member what the contest's all 'bout.

T'was a story once. Man calt it ``The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.'' Written 'most 150 years ago. Stood up real good.

Well, in this story was a man knowd as Jim Smiley, not to be confused with the Rev. Leonidas W. Smiley who was from the same place but was a myth an'way.

Seems Jim was a bettin' man. Bet on anything, horses, weather, cat fights. Why if two birds was settin' on a fence, he'd bet you which one'll fly away first.

One day Jim ketched h'self a frog. He took that frog home and, for three months, set out in the back yard and learnt that frog to jump.

He'd give him a little punch in the back an' the next thing you know that frog'd be whirlin' in the air like a donut and landin' five feet off.

Jim called the frog Dan'l Webster and taught it ta catch flies. When one'd buzz by, Jim'd call ``Flies, Dan, flies!'' and Dan'l would snatch it from the air. When he weren't doin that, Dan'l stayed inside a little lattice box.

A stranger in town one day noticed the box, and upon spyin' the frog, asked Jim what good it was.

``Well,'' said Jim, ``he's good enough for one thing. I should judge - he can outjump any frog in Calaveras County.''

Jim said he was willin' to resk $40 to prove it.

The stranger said he'd like to bet. But he had no frog.

``That's all right, that's all right, if you'll hold my box, I'll go get you a frog,'' Jim said.

In some minutes, Jim was back. He give the stranger a frog from the swamp. The stranger put the frog on the floor, next to Jim's frog.

``One, two, three - git!'' Jim says.

The stranger's frog lept off liv'ly. But Jim's frog stayed put.

An' the stranger gathered up the money. And rightly so.

As he walked away, the stranger jerked his thumb at Jim's frog and said:

``Don't see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n any other frog.''

Jim scratched his head. Couldn't figure it nohow. Then he picked up Dan'l off the floor.

``Why blame my cats if he don't weigh five pound!'' Jim exclaimed. Jim tipped Dan'l over. Out belched a double handful of quail shot.

Danged if the stranger hadn't filled Dan'l up to his chin with shot while Jim was off at the swamp, findin' some poor frog to beat. Why, with all that lead in 'em, Dan'l was flat immob'lized.

What I'm sayin' is, Jim, who was tryin' to cheat the stranger, got cheated one better.

That's the legend of Calaveras. And from it the annual frog jumpin' contest was born.

So it don't seem right anyone's bothered by Andy Koffman's big ol' frogs.

He's just another stranger, trying to out-con the locals, and keep a fine tradition alive.

'Sides, a few handsful of quail shot when Andy's not lookin', and folks down there got themselves an even contest.

If you ain't cheatin', you ain't playin'. At Angels Camp, that's yur golden rule.

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Rick Anderson's column appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the Northwest section of The Times.